I’m feeling stifled. I’m feeling lost in a world spinning out of control. The very things I want to do – that I LONG to do – I can’t seem to do. The mundane, “have to do” things have taken over. I’m depressed.
This might strike you as odd considering my goal here is to inspire others to greatness. It is indeed odd.
What’s interesting is the fact that my desire to help others is at the root of my current state. I have a burning desire to accomplish things that become clearer with each day. With each day I see the possibilities of a career spent teaching and guiding people – musicians and non-musicians – toward the life they are meant to live. A life they need to live and a life that we all NEED them to live.
It’s like when I was a musician.
When I was a kid I used to play drums for hours. As soon as I got home from school I was in our basement with headphones on playing to a long list of favorite “drum songs.” If I wasn’t doing that, I was playing in various groups inside and outside of school. The same thing was true in college (University of North Texas) and even afterwards for a while.
But there came a time when the work slowed and we were living in an apartment and I simply wasn’t playing much. It was painful to watch a concert or go to a club. I felt like I was locked outside the hottest party in town. I was watching other people playing the music I knew I was meant to play. I had mixed feelings of joy, frustration and sadness because while watching them reinforced my dream, my heart ached for it to come true. But I was invisible. Left out. Stifled.
This is why it hurts to be a musician. It hurts because music comes from the heart, but it’s expressed through the body. It involves every part of a person unlike anything else except dance and sports. This is also why these things touch observers deeply too. A powerful performance is powerful because the performer is committed 100%.
When a musician performs they are alive.
I know how it feels.
